I don’t Unstandwhy people who are cruel to children even  children look up to why . 

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Who Am I?

John said I may be a dreamer but I’m not the only one. Jimi said I’m a foxy lady. Thomas says I look good in his TShirt. Luke says I’ve got him twisted, like the old beach roller coaster. I’d like to think those songs were just for me, but that’s only in my head. That kind of confidence I don’t know. 

I’m a good person. I screw up a lot, but I think everyone does. We all are making it up as we go along. I’m not happy with certain choices I’ve made, now just trying to live with those consequences. Other choices, although glaringly obvious, should have been made long ago. 

I go from day to day, knowing if I didn’t get it done, there’s tomorrow, and if it turns out I don’t have a tomorrow, well then if wasn’t that important anyway. I try not to beat myself up too much, but I’m my worst critic. 

Just keep on, that’s all I know to do. As for answering who am I, I’m still looking. 

You Can Get Addicted (to a certain kind of sadness) 

I’m beginning to think I can only feel extreme sadness or extreme rage. Either one fits right now, and I knew better knew better to go down there tonight. I knew nothing good would come of it, and all I wanted to do was exactly what I did. Ooh does it mean that… No, it means he was feeling lonely too. That’s all it means. Nothing more. It was fun while it was real but nothing more. Just surprise!! I’m human too. Hurt me and I’ll cry and please don’t hurt me. But please don’t hurt me because I’m getting really sick of the sound of me crying. I have to respect him for being honest and not stringing me along because he totally could have. I probably wouldn’t have noticed or even cared. 

Jeremy standing up to his dad on my behalf makes me proud and makes me smile. 

I know Karma, inside and out. I have known my fair share of suffering. I can even admit when something comes my way that I even probably deserved it. But this, this is as far from okay as I’ve ever been and I have cried my eyes out but I know I did nothing to deserve this. I am a good person. If I can ask please for prayers to give me peace, help me understand. Thank you.

I have some pretty awesome friends, that much I know. And Stacey – added bonus. 

I have GOT to get out of here before I rip my own hair out. 

I can’t believe Ashton is scared of me. Of ME!?! Wow. I’m such a total badass she doesn’t know how much time I’ve spent in tears, afraid of my own shadow and what it took to pull me out. All I can say is wow. Just. Wow.